Engineer-Joke of the Week!

Since I'm so very busy with my thesis and EWB, here's another joke.

I thought this was going to be quite lame, but some of it is pretty funny. Admittedly however, one or two  went over my head too, so don't worry!

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which
conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during
the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct
the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form
what remedial action was taken, and the pilot reviews the gripe sheets
before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor!

Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as
submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)....................You can tell an engineer wrote this...

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire...............................................lame

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.............................................haha almost had me!

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order........................................................................................sigh, engineers!

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for...........................................What many don't know is that there                                             .                                                                                              are sub-types of engineer-jokes! This is a  .                                                                                             prime example of a 'Mechanical Engineer-                      .                                                                                               joke'. Confused? Welcome to my world!                                                                                                  .                                                                               

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

 ....and my personal favorite.....

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.